Experience description:

One year ago, on Sunday morning February 17, 2002, starting at about 7:30 A.M. I suffered several heart attacks (6-7 separate but connected events), which resulting in a terror filled trip to the nearest hospital, with my wife driving. While I was being prepared for surgery in the Cath-lab I had the “Big-One” and I died. The cardiac team then worked to revive me for 20 minutes without success, so they attempted to access my heart via another route.

At that time I was about 10 feet above everyone and watching (the room had a very tall ceiling). The young man standing at my head was slapping me in the face saying; “Chet, Chet, stay here.” I felt extremely concerned about the disappointment I was seeing. I especially worried about the man below and directly to my right. He appeared to be a Hindu looking man, maybe from India? This was very mysterious to me since I live in Western Montana. I later learned the doctor’s ethnicity is Indian. Nevertheless, I could tell he was upset with current events and I somehow knew he needed help. I kept thinking someone needs to help him, “Please won’t someone help him,” because he really needs some help. Of course, everyone was so busy nobody could help. I wasn’t doing anything so I guess it was up to me to lend a hand and help.

At this same time I was ignoring a very strong invitation to leave. However, I knew for the moment, I was stronger than the invitation and I knew I could stay where I was as long as …“I needed to.” Still, I knew I couldn’t stay there forever. I was totally focused on my concerns for the doctor and the desperate events below me.

As stated, the cardiac team then accessed my heart via my left side, there was blood everywhere and they had a hard time controlling the loss of blood in all the frantic work, this new route was more difficult, which I’m now told is a much harder and longer route to the heart. This took another 20 minutes. During this time the doctor encountered several collapsed arterial areas and he would have given up except I spoke and said, “Watch this.” I was helping him. I believed I was speaking to him telepathically, but the doctor said I was talking to him. The doctor confronted me later saying he had never had a patient talk to him all the way through such protocol, this spooked him badly and he told my wife and me that he didn’t want that sort of thing to happen to him again (no one can explain how I could talk to only the doctor). Anyway, my saying “Watch this” happened 4 different times as each difficulty he encountered. Spooky!

Well, they reached my heart (it’s all on CD) and it was a complete and total surprise that their work ended by reviving me, all after being dead about 40 minutes. They thought I would be brain dead, all clotted up, and a stoke victim. Still, I awoke in a private room in the ICU. I saw a nurse doing her records at a small fold-down table and there was the same man who had been slapping me on the face in the surgery. I felt weak but sort of normal.

I looked over at this guy (he was reading a magazine) and I said, “I know you.” Keep in mind; I had never met anyone at this hospital before. He immediately jumped up said, “He’s back!” and he flashed his outstretched palms at me and said, “Where’d you go?” I said, “I was above you about 10 feet, you were slapping my face very hard and you were asking me not to go, but I was already gone.” He said that I couldn’t know him, because we’ve never met.

So, “What was it like where I was?” I tell everyone; “Don’t be afraid and don’t plan on taking a break after death.” The invitation was like 300 million people all at once saying a reverberating and surprising “Hi!” instead of a simple “hello.” It was all very upbeat and such a warm and good feeling, like getting home. The excruciating pain I had been suffering disappeared. Upon reflection, I must have appeared very vain not to accept the invitation, to go. I guess I was being true to my nature. I mean I have always sacrificed myself for everyone and everything. Through out my life, in times of great strife, I unselfishly act for the sake of others. I had done this as a child, or as a young man in South Vietnam combat, and as an older person; I always take care of everyone before myself. I am honestly a totally unselfish person.

The doctor told me I came back to help, again. One of my doctors told me I should not be here, and that I should be dead. He thinks the mistake of my coming back is not the way things are supposed to unfurl in the universe? My other doctor asked me why I came back and I said; “Maybe God isn’t ready for me, …or the Devil is too afraid of me.” He got a big laugh out of that, but I was being honest. I now live with the weird feelings that after death, you somehow get debriefed for 30 to 33 years, and then you are given another try to do the best you can in a new physical life. Who knows? All I can say is that I have never thought about things like this before.

Oddly, I never joined or followed any religion, because I see them all as having turned into a commercial industry. I guess I’m not interested in public religion. I haven’t studied the bible or any other types of religious documents, so it bewilders me to think I should not fear death. Actually, it’s the dying that hurts, not what comes afterwards. Think about it, let’s take all your air away, …and you don’t get anymore. Now, that hurts in countless ways and it’s fearful, but it’s only temporary. I haven’t become a religious fanatic nor have I changed my life. I’m still the same good person I’ve always tried to be. Except, now I am giving even more of myself. My life-long axiom has been; “If you truly care about everyone, ...everyone will truly care about you.”

According to my doctors I survived the biggest and worst heart attack you can have. I now have extensive heart damage and considerable loss of heart function. I also have back-to-back Stents, so they’re long enough to work. Yet, I look and act normal. To this very day my doctors are amazed and dumbfounded about my heart attack and all these events. Maybe there is a reason for my being here and my reason just hasn’t happened yet?

Just before my heart attack I felt like I was coming down with a mild cold, yet I had no classic pain symptoms? Still, just minutes before I fell to the floor I had taken 3 aspirins ( I never take aspirin since I've never had a headache in my life), I can't explain why and I don't know why I took those aspirins. My doctors claim this one act saved my life in the long run, as it thinned my blood enough to keep oxygen available through the blockages.

My family raised me with an advanced spiritual consciousness and tons of unconditional love. But after age 13, my life was filled with death. First I watched my father die, then my Grandmother, then a beloved uncle died, all before I was 17.

At age 18 came the draft. I witnessed the very end of the Vietnam War, and the tragic aftermath. When Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia fell to the communists, there was death, destruction, and the mass murder of millions. As an intelligence analyst at a recon squadron in Southeast Asia, my job required me to study it, write reports on it, never to talk about it, and, worst of all, do absolutely nothing to stop the bloodbath.

After a love affair ends, people say they have a broken heart. They have no idea what that actually means; but I know. Seeing so much destruction and death--it truly did break my heart. Life was empty and meaningless.

For several years afterward, I lived in darkness. Then came a 15-year journey of recovery. Group therapy, psychiatrists, anti-depressants, support groups, men's groups, spiritual work...you name it, I did it!

It seemed like I got better, but that war blew a hole in my soul that nothing on this earth could heal. I had a huge, huge case of survivor guilt. All those people died, and we didn't do a •••• thing about it. And I could NOT get over it. I was angry at God, for showing me so much death, for no good reason. Finally, I just wanted to die and stop my pain.

On the surface, my life looked O.K. A decent job, a lovely girlfriend, even a cute little house with a garage. But I drove my car into my garage, closed the garage door, put on a Beethoven tape, laid back in my car seat, closed my eyes, and left the big motor running. I was all done.

That Beethoven tape played for 45 minutes. In that time span, a high-performance V-8, with no catalytic converters, should have pumped out more than enough carbon monoxide to make me unconscious. And then kill me.

But I did not die. I guess I left for a while. I'm not sure where I went; I did "download" a program that actually "ran" later. All I can remember from the garage is, after my ego-self was gone, someone was inside me, taking care of me, running my body for me. But it wasn't me.

This guy had such incredible love, patience, forgiveness, understanding, and even good humor. It was HIM who, after the music ended, raised my arm, stopped the tape, and switched off the engine. He guided my body up, out of the car, and into the house. He even put me gently to bed.

Next morning, my ego, the little voice inside my head that wants to run my life...it was gone. In its place was an incredible sense of peace. Peace like I had never known. A Peace SO big, it can soak up all the pain from every bad thing that's ever happened in all of eternity. God's Peace.

Apparently, I wouldn't be allowed to die. Since I didn't know what else to do, I began to meditate...and pray. Real, talking-to-God prayer.

I imagined I was out in space, looking down on the earth, like God would see us. I imagined Southeast Asia, on fire, with bright orange flames, and thick black smoke, pouring out into space. All the murdered bodies being put into the ground, their souls slipping up to heaven like wisps of gray smoke. I tried to fill my heart with all the grief and pain it could hold as I gazed mournfully at my imaginary vision of that war.

Then God answered my prayer...by taking over my vision, by changing it right in front of me. The black smoke vanished, the orange flames went to a brilliant blazing white light, a light too bright for human eyes, like the light at Christ's tomb. The light of resurrection. God's Light.

Then it happened. Words cannot describe it. But I will try.

The "program" I downloaded earlier began to run. I guess I left my body, and I know--I mean I absolutely, positively KNOW that I went into the presence of the Living God. Every perception I ever had, every sense I ever felt before, in all my life, was a vague, half-remembered dream compared to the overwhelming power and clarity of what I felt then.

I was swimming in an ocean of pure Love. An ocean so vast, and so deep, and so beautiful, a mortal mind can't fathom it. And I knew I was born to swim in that ocean. It was the reason God created me...to swim in that beautiful ocean of Love, forever and ever.

Knowledge and understanding appeared instantly, fully formed in my mind. Feelings blew across me like wind. And God helped me look back again.

The souls who died in that war, they ran up a huge rainbow, straight toward me and they were SO happy! It felt like graduation day, a perfect June morning on a beautiful campus at one of our finest universities. Here come the elite students, graduating with highest honors from the toughest course in all human experience. They VOLUNTEERED for this demanding curriculum. They were proud to be picked, and now they've passed with flying colors. Joy is what they're feeling today. A chorus of a million angels sings that joy out loud. In perfect harmony, heaven sings along.

Those beautiful souls crowded around me, like little kids in an Asian marketplace, eager, happy, and thrilled. Only this time, I was the kid with a tear-stained face, and they consoled ME. (God really tricked me, turning my dearest memory of Asia inside-out, to open up my heart.)

And here is what they told me: Don't worry about us. Don't grieve for us. We asked for our "life assignments" before we were born. We agreed to die in that war because our sacrifice will help the consciousness of the whole planet advance much faster than it otherwise would. Our souls get "extra credit" from God for doing it, and we can grow by leaps and bounds.

We're honor students now. Our future's so bright, we gotta wear shades!

When things get very dark here on earth, it's then, just on the other side of the veil, that heaven's light is shining its brightest. No matter how bad things look, never forget that everything..every single thing that ever happens here on earth is designed to help souls grow. Everything, and especially shadow lessons, are a perfect unfoldment of Divine Love.

God said, I will be with you always, even unto the end of the world. Everywhere, every moment, in darkness and light, in good times and bad.

ALWAYS. Forever and ever. Amen.
**********************************

When I woke up, my pain and grief were gone. I was healed. And my life would never be the same again. My life used to work from the outside in. Now it works from the inside out. Instead of working and pushing to make things happen, I stay in peace and love and trust, and God moves things.

Not long afterward, a small miracle brought me my inheritance: over 100 letters to and from my Great-grandfather. He was a combat medic in the Civil War (1862-1865.) His path is my path. His truth is my truth.

I soon broke up with my girlfriend, because I knew, I just KNEW that my soul-mate was not far away. All I had to do was find her. While searching, I had some fine adventures, and I eventually found her. She had a NDE of her own, many years ago. Now she works in hospice nursing, to help dying patients have a loving, peaceful transition. She has the most amazing heart I ever found in all my life. Her love reminds me of God's love

But who's our friend in the White House?

Amazing, isn't it, must be a genetic factor that explains why the warmongers can't count bodies! Our sophisticated government statisticians are counting about 500,000 fewer bodies in Iraq than others - by whose count there are about 600,000 dead. The government can, we know, count dollars - like the billions they’ve taken out of our country’s budget to make this war happen. But what's money when we're talking about the president's friends - yeah, his buddies in the military industrial complex and the oil complex (and let’s not forget his special friend, Haliburton) have got to have a friend in the White House.

Our warmongers ARE gifted when it comes to counting potential barrels of quality oil waiting for them beneath the sands of Iraq. They just can't count the number of men, women, children, and soldiers who have had to die in order for them to secure that oil for the president’s friends in the military and oil complexes. What’s money though, when it comes to being loyal to the president’s friends?

Have we really spent in the neighborhood of $1 billion for every man, woman, and child killed in Iraq? No, no, maybe I can't count either. Somebody please tell me I'm wrong! We have American children going to bed hungry every night in this country and forty million Americans without any kind of medical insurance (and those Americans fortunate enough to have insurance are barely able to meet the high cost of insurance premiums and medications). But heh, what's money when talking about the president's friends? The insurance and the pharmaceutical industries have to have a friend in the White House.

But wait a minute, who's OUR friend in the White House?

Julio M's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
Memoirs of My Death
Puerto Madryn, Chubut Argentina

Winter 1976, very cold within the context of a very complicated family life and in my personal life I desperately sought some other way out. Always taking work with more responsibility and professionalism than necessary. As the one in charge of quality control for production of a factory, the foremen, with a directive from the management, wipe out my classification for materials to be discarded, reclassify them as good, and send them on out to market. They put a guard at the door to be on the lookout for me. To catch them in the act, I went to the plant on a Sunday at 2:00 a.m., walking more than a kilometer through fields, in the midst of a snow storm with winds at 180 kilometers per hour with gusts of 220 kph and minus 22 degrees Celsius. Of course, I arrived with my ears and extremities beginning to freeze...there is no clothing that can deal with such extreme conditions. The wind gusts blew me over several times and I returned to a standing position as well as I could my grabbing onto the scant vegetation of the area. I succeeded with my plan: I caught them erasing the red crosses and putting on the green marks...a crass mistake...the manager of the plant was the head of the gang doing this because his job was on the line because of all the defective material. The ultrasound detector did not fail nor did my sight...

To keep from freezing I went up to the furnace nearest to my office. The furnace had an internal temperature of 800 degrees Celsius and was probably about 50 degrees at the distance where I was at. I stopped next to it without perceiving the vast difference in temperature. At 7:00 a.m. I left with a fever, went to bed, and at around 7 p.m. my companions found me delirious in my bed. They took me to a social service clinic in the city that was famous for its cesarean births that took the life of several young women. A nurse checked me in and, frightened by my condition, called a "doctor." It seems like everybody who is a failure goes to live in the south... (Translators note: Chubut is in the south of Argentina and has a reputation as a place people are sent who are failures of one kind or another) The doctor said to the nurse, "This one is ready to die, he will not last the night." Give him a shot of Novalgina, a well-known antibiotic at that time, but whose name I don't remember now, and "give him serum." The diagnosis was "bronchopneumonia." Well, the doctor was pretty brutal, but he was on the right track because, truthfully, I didn't last the night.
At about 2:00 in the morning I "woke up," because of an insufferably loud whistling sound, and I saw a luminous silhouette, flawless white, that transmitted to me a beautiful sensation of peace. It was a very special light in that despite being intense, it didn't radiate, it was dense and concentrated... everything else surrounding it looked black in comparison except for some reason I was unable to see myself in the bed, as if I were outside the building, up by the roof. Submerged in confusion, I tried to ask for help... I saw the nurse in a room of a distant building I wasn't familiar with given the fact that I had come to this place in a coma at night. I could see everything perfectly. The nurse prepared an injection and I prayed it was for me...but she passed by my room and went to the next. One of the people in that room was about to die. I knew it and it happened a few hours later that same morning. I visualized whatever I wanted to see with an incredible mental and conscious clarity. I saw through the walls, simply by thinking about it. I saw my life pass by and felt the desire to stay in the midst of this immense peace. Something told me, "If you want you can go. You still have a lot left to do. It's your choice"...and I came back. Immediately, my arms were free of paralysis. I lifted my hands to my ears but the sound had already stopped by then...


Starting from that day, my life changed 180 degrees. That was only the beginning of my out of body experiences... Today, among other capabilities I have developed, I pass through the veil at will. I travel throughout the universe. I learn information and give help to whomever asks for.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes The whole experience is difficult to express in words.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes My heart stopped.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At all times after leaving my body. Shortly thereafter, and regaining my health, I started repeating the experience involuntarily. After that, and due to the internal conflict that premonitions cause for me, I began having these experiences voluntarily, with the goal of experimentation. I'm looking for a scientific explanation, and I believe I'm on the right track.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: Yes, I can see absolutely everything I want to see simply by wishing it. I travel at the speed of thought. There are no limits of time or space. I can go through walls, see people, know what they are doing, know past and future events and, apparently, "change" them (this is what I am investigating now), visit other dimensions or planets, etc. But there is something I still cannot control: I can't willfully control the whole mechanics of events. I still lack some knowledge.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes There are no limits because I don't see with my eyes.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes With the first experience, moments before leaving my body, I began sensing a very shrill whistle sound in my head that became unbearable when I left. Once I was on the other side it no longer bothered me. After the first experience, the whistling stayed in my head "permanently." I hear it all day long, as if it's connected to a network of data. At times it increases in volume...and at that time I have the sensation of receiving information. If I'm sleeping and that sound goes off...I know I am going to the other side and I let myself go...

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, love, total consciousness, transmission and reception of information, of being outside of time and space, unlimited movement at the speed of thought, etc.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes Personally, and after studying it for years, I think the phenomenon isn't a tunnel. What happens is that we are accustomed to relating the event with valid descriptions from the terrestrial point of view, but "things are not as they seem." It requires a long explanation, but I believe there isn't a tunnel. Rather, the light we see is concentrated and drawn into an enormous gravitational force that will not allow it to escape. The perimeter looks like a "black hole." This gives the appearance of being a tunnel...but it isn't.

Did you see a light? Yes I consider this light to be myself, my eternal part, permanent, immortal, outside space and time...a tiny piece of God, my higher consciousness, etc.... It's difficult to define, but I am a part of the light and permanently connected to it. I can communicate with it. I find it difficult to give a definition because I neither have nor have had any religious belief. I'm looking for a scientific explanation. I believe it is closer to the concept of a Matrix or an ultra-supercomputer, than to Christ or Buddha...

Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes During several trips I have encountered family members, friends and strangers. I travel to other dimensions where I see different kinds of beings. I receive information about my past and future (this is what led me to investigate how to change the future, because I was preoccupied with it), I travel to subterranean installations where I see people working, etc...

Did you experience a review of past events in your life? Yes I think questions 19 and 20 are wrong.
For question 19: The being of light I see is myself. We communicate by thought, there is no voice.
Question 20: Things are not as they appear. They are NOT the spirits of the dead, but rather the permanent part of them. Regarding the religious figures, we can say that... "each person sees what he believes in."
Question 21: Yes, I reviewed my life instantaneously.
Also, my light told me: "If you want, you can remain here, but you still have much left to do. If you want, you can go back to earth. Then I returned.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes I have received information about the future. I have verified this by information in the press. The worrisome part of this information has driven me almost insane... Given the choice of whether to end up committed to an insane asylum or accept the challenge of exploring at the risk of not being able to find the road back, I have decided to "forget my fears and get on with the explorations." Not being able to come back does not worry me...because I always find answers and the way back. I know there exists a scientific explanation. I'm sure of this. I also believe that we can change the future by making subtle changes if we understand it. "Even the gentle flapping of a butterfly's wing leaves its mark someplace in the universe." I even believe we can change the past... Everything depends on the observers point of view as he sees the series of parallel films or layers outside space and time.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes
I described this in previous questions. Other dimensions, other beings. Strange places, planets with very dense seas (they look like mercury), places under the earth (perhaps in the Amazon basin), where I see people the same as us, woods of huge trees, and lots of work activity going on...etc.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes In each experience. Space and time are relative to our dimension but have no meaning at the Universal level. The truth is, it's as though we were seeing a "virtual" universe of movies. We can go forward or back in the various film sequences or "holograms" of different dimensions or pseudo-realities.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes It would take hours to explain it. But yes. We can think about it as being in some kind of "school or virtual game." There is order and chaos. One is impossible without the other. Everything is made up of the same thing. Neither space nor time exists. Nothingness does not exist. There is no beginning or end. Our "memory" is outside our physical body and is Universal. I also acquired certain abilities to help with healing, but I still don't know how they work.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I have crossed over it several times. First I perceive the sound intensify, then I see myself "shot" like a projectile out of my body...
By only thinking about my body, I return. At times, when I "shoot out," I see a disk with a symbol engraved on it. The disk contains information. If I allow it, it comes into me. Much of what happens seems to be by happenstance, but I intuit that it isn't. Apparently, nothing happens without my authorization or consent...but, at what point do we agree "freely" of "free will"?

Did you become aware of future events? Yes.
Many are extremely precise, others not so much... I know that "all the information is available"...filmed beforehand with all possible variations, but it is somehow "encoded" for us. What I am still unable to do is find a way to "decode" it so it has some use for us in saving human life. I would like to get in contact with people who have the same abilities in order to exchange information. From what I can tell, the film of the future that I see is the "most likely to occur given the circumstances." I see things that are both complex and simple. "Good and Bad" from the terrestrial point of view (on the other side there is no good or bad). I don't feel like saying here which of the future events I can see are most important, but the emotional impact on me was great, very great... The question I ask myself is...should I allow these events to happen? Who would believe me if I told about them beforehand? Who do I tell? What assurance do I have that "the flapping of the butterfly's wing" produces a change and the event doesn't happen because "the future was changed"? How can all this be proved?...

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes I have already described it in other places. My whole life changed, and on occasion I discover abilities I didn't know I could develop. I think everyone who has had these experiences should try to repeat them. They can do so voluntarily and without fear. They will discover marvelous things. I think everybody has my abilities, but they are hidden by what we consider to be "reality." We live anesthetized, confused, in the hologram of the Matrix. For me, "knowing" about certain daily events has become commonplace, to the point that at times I cannot recognize that what is happening is not common, until someone points it out to me. At times, I can "read" the thoughts of other people, find hidden objects, etc. But as I said before, I can't evaluate this or discover the scientific methodology that will allow me to systematize this knowledge. I attribute this to my need to "distract" myself and "involve" myself with living a "normal" life because I do not consider myself normal. Given the fact that I need to earn a living with my "terrestrial" work to support my family, I don't have time to get deeply involved with my studies. It seems like the things I can "see" cannot, should not be done, or I do not know how to utilize them for my own benefit. My earth experiences are "very strong" and at times I feel very "tired." "Practicing at home, I have been able to use the information given to change future events. I do this on a small personal level, or in connection with a small circle of people or group. I have also seen things which could be changed, modifying the course of human history but...could I? Should I? I can say that at times I feel "guilty" for not doing anything about this. One time I told a newspaper contact about a serious future event, and when the "reality" showed me to be right, the contact didn't publish it... Before, I felt I didn't have permission to change things. Now I believe I have permission, but I don't have control over the techniques, I don't have "terrestrial" time, nor do I have access to information that could help decode the data. I think there are several questions that are not asked well, where I cannot mark two choices, for example in the first two points of question #35.

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes The day following the first experience, I told a friend... He was greatly impressed and told me: "You were dead." I didn't tell anyone else. For many years I kept it hidden, with much suffering and feelings of guilt, until I found myself at the edge of insanity. Then I began to do research. Later I decided to unburden myself by telling some family members, colleagues, my doctor, and friends. Most of them were incredulous. But they all "thought about it." A few confessed to having some kind of experience and others knew of someone who had such an experience. It's common that when someone suffers some personal or family misfortune, a few of them come to me for relief. I am able to make people feel comfortable and they confess all kinds of things to me. I can see things through their eyes. On occasion I have been able to effect a healing if someone asks for help out of desperation.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real Always, from the first moment, I experienced it as "real." I had complete consciousness. I could see everything, move, go through walls, make decisions. The only thing I couldn't do was "manifest myself" to other people by any physical method.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes In the first experience, the desperation and fear at the moment of leaving my body...the sound, my paralyzed body, and the inability to receive help from the nurse who couldn't see me... I felt like I didn't want to leave. Then, when I saw the light, everything changed. With my first subsequent experiences,
I was left "emotionally" very sensitive. The greatest emotional impact happens when I:
1. Tell about one of my experiences
2. When some significant premonition happens
Despite the fact I know I am not responsible for what happens, the fact of knowing that the future can be changed and perhaps avert some catastrophe, makes me feel bad.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real
Especially since I can repeat it and acquire knowledge. I ask and receive answers, etc. (I have already explained this)

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes My whole life has changed. The way I treat people, my philosophy of life, etc.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I never had religious beliefs. I continue without them. I believe everything has a scientific explanation. Quantum physics, string theory, etc. I do not believe in mystical or religious explanations. I do believe we all see what we believe, whatever validates or deepens our beliefs. The problem is that when we come back from an experience, we continue thinking as humans, as products of our sensations transmitted by our earthly senses of space and time.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No I can reproduce the experience many different ways, but I don't need drugs, or substances... I only need to concentrate and be at peace to have it.


Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Yes, I would like to reiterate that I am seeking a scientific explanation because I know there is one and I would be grateful for any assistance in expanding my knowledge in order to help humanity.


Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain I see some of the questions as repetitive. All of them can be answered with one question. I don't know if I have been sufficiently clear in being available to clarify whatever you feel useful and serves to "turn on the LIGHT of understanding."


Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire:Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I gave suggestions for improving the questions before. It's too long!!!...I'm tired of writing. Many thanks. I hope this topic is treated in a useful way. Kind regards. Julio Monsech

James T's NDE

Experience description:

I came across your website the other day and laughed at myself for not having thought of looking for a site like yours before this. As rare as these so called near death experiences may be, there seems to be many people who have had them. You would think that over a 36 year period I would have at least encountered one other individual that I could relate to, but unfortunately, I have not. Perhaps if you accept my account and publish it on your site I will finally have the opportunity to talk to some of these other people. I have wanted to communicate the things I have understood for a very long time, and have related my experiences to many people but it has become obvious that it's something that many people simply cannot relate to completely. Some find it interesting but you can tell many, by the looks on their faces, find me a little odd.

I've had three experiences in my life, but first I'd like to point out that whoever coined the phrase "near death experience" probably never had one. I can assure you there is nothing half way or "near" about dying, even if you are fortunate enough to come back from such an experience, dying is quite absolute. It would be like telling a woman who had a spontaneous miscarriage at 8 1/2 months that she was never actually pregnant but merely had a "near pregnant experience".

The first time I died was in the summer of 1968 when I was four years old. I drowned. People seem quite surprised that I remember something from that age, and I would have to agree that there isn't much else I could recount from that age in any detail, but a traumatic event like drowning tends to burn itself into your mind, and I can recall every detail as if it had just happened. As you would probably expect, it is not a pleasant experience.

As soon as I had difficulty reaching the surface to get a breath, I panicked. And as soon as I failed to reach the surface at all, that panic escalated almost instantaneously to absolute terror. Simply being aware that I could not take a breath of water, I held off doing so for as long as possible; but the pain I felt shot up so fast, like fire going from blue to yellow the white. It became white hot so quickly that I couldn't distinguish whether it was white hot, white cold, or simply white. And before I took that breath of water, I simply abandoned my life, psychologically, and in that letting go, was immediately embraced with the most profound sense of peace and calm. I always thought it must be like being in your mother's womb, the sense of weightlessness, floating in this perfect fluid that had no sense of temperature, it simply matched that of my whole being. And a comforting, quiet, dull white hum of a noise. Every sense felt this perfect comfort of an absolute love and belonging. I simply became this perfect white light.

That was where that experience ended. The neighbor had apparently seen me standing out on the dock and the next time he looked up I was gone. I heard later that he almost took the door to his cottage off its hinges when he bust through it, covered a significant stretch of beach in a matter of strides and managed to locate me under water quick enough for me to be typing these words today. He knows who he is, and thank you again. The next thing I recall was the unpleasant vomiting up water, where, because you have fluid in your lungs, each time you cough some out, you have that automatic response of gasping for air so quickly that you inhale some of the water you just tried to expel. That part is not pleasant at all, which is somewhat of a drag, seeing as a moment ago you were in the most blissful state.

The second death experience I had was when I was 19. Now this is where I fully expect to lose many people, since it was an overdose of magic mushrooms that led to this experience. So I accept the fact that many may presume that I simply had a hallucination, which I probably would have thought myself, had I not had the previous experience. It wasn't an intentional overdose; it was just idiotic, juvenile exuberance since I had never seen an entire platter heaped with magic mushrooms before. I had done them in the past, a handful of times (lot's of fun), but one half a gram of mushrooms is enough to get plenty high and a full gram is more than enough. This particular evening, I took two huge handfuls. It had to be somewhere between eight to ten grams. Needless to say, about an hour later I didn't feel well at all and went to the bathroom to see if I could wait this out. I realized I was in serious trouble when, while sitting on the toilet, I began to lose all function of my body, and I could not have gotten up or called for help even if I wanted to.

All of a sudden I was on the ceiling looking back at my body. I didn't spend much time even contemplating this because I was no longer in that body, that wasn't me, I was up here on the ceiling, so it was easy to leave that shell behind. I turned away from my body and simply went through the ceiling, quickly flew above the city, and was immediately hurling through space. I remember at the very beginning passing planets in our solar system like Saturn and Jupiter and thinking it odd that I could see such vivid detail. (Years later I was watching the news and they were announcing the discovery of other moons around one of the planets and I had already seen what they were talking about). I seemed to have lots of time to observe what I was going by, but at the same time was aware I was going too fast to have time to do this. It just revealed that I wasn't in normal space/time; I was somehow outside of it yet able to observe and experience things simultaneously at differing levels of space and time. Right away I was rocketing through what seemed to be just empty space, heading towards a distant point of light. It quickly grew in size as I approached it, and realized that this was the same pure white light I had experienced at four. It is the most absolute, pure light that never hurts to look at, probably because you’re not actually looking at it with physical eyes, even though the sensation is that of seeing, it's simply a sight of the mind. It was like a sun or a planet of light until I got close enough to see more detail. It was at that moment, where seeing this detail, that what could only be described as "all" was revealed, and even that is a poor description of what is conveyed to you. The detail I can only describe as billions and billions of ‘bit's’ of light both spiraling back to and away from this "body of light", which is simply a more visual description of what we call God. We quite simply are God in as much as this whole body of light cannot be that whole without all its parts or ‘bit's’ of light.

There was a perfect harmony to this process, and it was as if all understanding was conveyed upon seeing this. The very next thought I had was that there was a harmony and a time when I was to come and rejoin this "body of light", it just wasn't now...WHAM!!!...the instant I had that thought, I was hurled all the way back and slammed back into my body, and my eyes snapped open. I knew exactly where I was, why I was there, and still had this experience completely alive within me. "Oh my God, I know the answer to life and the universe." I thought to myself, "if I could just get off the toilet and tell someone." But I couldn't move, I was back in my body but my body was still dead. I must have sat there for at least a minute or more before I realized I wasn't breathing. Oh, that's not good. Breathing would be a really good idea right about now. Breathe!! Come on, breathe!! I was starting to panic a bit, and somehow gave myself some kind of mental shock, you know, "Charge to 20.....clear.....whuuump!! Just enough it seemed to allow me slam my body into the wall a couple of times to bang the life back into my limbs.

I finally recovered enough, after sitting there for another 20 minutes or so, to get up and leave the bathroom stall. When I saw myself in the mirror, I still looked somewhat dead, in that my coloring was a real sickly grey, and I was covered in sweat. It was then that I became quite physically conscious of the fact that my heart probably did stop, even if only for a moment or two. As I said you step out of normal space and time, so that even an experience that seemed to involve a great deal of time could actually occur in a fraction of a second. As I opened the bathroom door, a rather jovial, quite wasted co-worker of mine took one look at me and said, "Holy s--t, you don't look to hot man, you should probably go home...cause you’re, like...grey man!!" "Sounds like a plan," I manage to say, and realize explaining life and the universe is going to have to wait.

Now, the third experience happened just before Christmas of last year, 2003, and is still somewhat unfolding even now. Looking back, it seems that the events of 9/11 set something in motion. That seems to be when I really started to notice a pain in my chest, right where the rib cage parts, where the solar plexus is. Someone told me that’s one of your chakras, or you're centre. Between September 11 and last Christmas, that pain just steadily grew; Brought on by a number of very stressful personal events that really aren't important to detail. I finally found myself in way too much pain, all in this one spot. It was simply too much pain for me to logically accept as being all mine. Even if every single day of my life had been some torturous hell, it wouldn't add up to this much pain. It simply couldn't be my pain, it could only be the pain I was seeing in the world. I had simply lost the ability to tune any of it out anymore. I believe we are all exposed to the same pain of the world every day, we just have our own unique way of tempering it somehow ....drugs, alcohol, work, relationships, religion...whatever. I simply couldn't shut any of it out any more and it was killing me.

I couldn't distinguish anxiety from stress from nausea or hunger. It all felt the same, all in the same spot in my chest. I spent month's every day feeling like I was about to have a heart attack. No! No such luck. And the pain just kept growing. Every day I thought I simply can't withstand any greater pain, it can't possibly get any worse.....but it did.

Then one day, around the 12th of December of last year, I had this third experience. It wasn't so much a physical death but rather a psychological collapse of the mind. I couldn't help but relate it to the collapsing of a universe. I had seen this show with physicist Steven Hawking explaining the nature and origin of the universe, and I could relate to the way he, by working backwards and collapsing it, was able to mathematically quantify the entire universe back to it's origins in what he referred to as the 'Unified Singularity'. This collapse of the mind started with trying to make sense of this profound pain I felt. I wasn't trying to do anything specific but as I started to work backwards, taking an existing situation and examining all the components that made it up, and then taking each component and examining what it was that made that thing true, very quickly my mind started to just go - on its own. I sat there more like a spectator than the participant and just noticed all the things that my mind was working through. Each time I moved further back the faster this process became. Then it got to a state where, like the flying back to the "body of light", I was at first bewildered by the fact that I could comprehend everything that was occurring and then it got so fast that I started to become quite afraid. The further back I went the faster it got and the more simple it became, until it reached the end with one word. And it didn't matter which word I chose, I could go around in circles with any one word.

I sat there waiting to die. I was sure that my mind had just completely collapsed, and that this must be what happens to someone right before they have a brain aneurism or spontaneously combust. The inside of my head, my brain, whatever, was just buzzing. It felt like the back of my brain had just swollen to twice its size and the back of my head had swollen as well. And I waited, and waited, and waited. But I didn't die.

I really don't know how I felt about that. Part of me was relieved, sure. But the more predominant feeling was almost like regret. What had come with this collapse was too much understanding of too many things. Things that I knew I had no reason to be able to comprehend or understand but just simply did, and couldn't ignore it. I felt completely screwed, knowing that people would not accept this about me and yet I felt almost a sense of desperation to share what I knew.

For example, going back to Steven Hawking and the 'Unified Singularity' theory, he says that he can take the universe all the way back to the instant after the 'Big Bang', but he can't figure out what it was that caused the bang itself. I really wish I couldn't either, but I can. Scientists, years ago, believed that the atom was the smallest thing in existence. Now the smallest thing they have discovered, with the advent of the tunneling electron microscope, is something they've dubbed a 'quark'. The smallest thing in existence, in fact, the only thing that does exist and makes up the entire universe is a sub-atomic particle of light. Professor Hawking has actually gone just a little too far with his mathematics and doesn't realize that by choosing the term "singularity", he's contradicting another accepted rule in physics. That being, that no two particles of matter can occupy the same space at (or in) the same time, and that when the collapsing universe reaches the end of it's collapse, and the last two sub-atomic particles of light try to occupy the same space at the same time, they cannot, and so they annihilate one another in a "Big Bang", thus beginning another universe. Hence the infinite nature of the universe....expanding, collapsing, expanding, etc.

That was just one of the things I was suddenly aware of. And as I sat there waiting to die, I thought about these things and how they applied to things like religion, and how accurate much of the language was, when properly applied. Even though these sentiments come from long ago and were not English words originally, they've somehow managed to survive both time and translation. Language was much more metaphoric and representational back then. Now language is very specific and literal, and there are very specific meanings to the words used in religion, as they are used today. But we need to remember that they weren't meant to be taken literally, but applied more metaphorically. One way I saw this, sitting there running out of words, was with the simple and familiar phrase, "I think, therefore, I' am. I think, therefore I am. I think, therefore, I think, therefore, I think, therefore, I think I think I think I think I think......", and like the two remaining sub atomic particles of light fighting, colliding with one another in a battle to occupy that space that would only allow one to remain, like God, in the beginning, as the last two particles of light, simply self aware and nothing more.

I think.

What do you think?

I think I think.

And who's doing the thinking?

I am.

And who are you?

The one who's thinking.

And what is it your thinking?

That I am something that thinks it's.....uh......thinking.

So are you a thought or a thing that thinks it's thinking?

I don't know. I can't tell. I can't see anything. It's dark and I'm afraid. I feel so alone and I am afraid I'm going to think myself into oblivion.

Why don't you turn on the lights?

There's lights, well where's the switch? Just kidding, there’s nothing here but you thinking you’re here.

Well who are you?

I would imagine you’re talking to yourself!

Oh great!!

Here, I have an idea, or you have an idea. Why not simply ask for light and perhaps in asking you will create that which you need first of all. I mean how could you know if there is anything without the light to see it with, right?

Good point! O.K., "LET THERE BE LIGHT"

And with that, at the very last second God sees that he is just two remaining particles of light and God is annihilated. He sacrifices himself to become the medium, which is set free (free will, made in God's image) to find its own form of expression in this random chaotic expansion. Everything began as light and cooled and swirled and collided and settled and freely found its own expression. It's still just light. All of it, cooled light, in its various states. God then, truly would be the ultimate judge, in that he cannot become any one thing. As all, as the medium, as light - God can only ever bear witness to all that comes to be. Everything that comes to be requires the light to reveal its existence, and that which becomes revealed or enlightened, reveals the existence of the ever present light. (The Father and The Son). And since physics already understands that every sub atomic particle of matter in this space and in this time has its twin of anti-matter, which does not exist in space or time at all. Unlike a cell dividing in two pieces, side by side, the anti-matter mate of each sub-atomic particle of light, exist right where that particle exists, requiring no space at all. This is where the mind exists. (Holy Ghost) Even though it looks like there is plenty of empty space in the universe, the truth is, you couldn't squeeze so much as a single particle of light into the universe. No room! And so, like an unbroken electrical connection, the universe is connected to itself as one thing only. That is why light can travel so fast, it's traveling through an unbroken chain of light itself. As well, the anti-matter would also be one unbroken connection.

So in truth, there actually is only one physical thing, as the universe, with only one mind. You get occasional glimpses of this connection with things like psychic abilities or within people like idiot savants, and other things that baffle science. For whatever reason, they are simply tied into this connection. For example, think of a place quite far away, you can instantly be there in your mind, needing no time to get there. Thought is the one thing that can travel faster than light since it doesn't exist in space or time.

Now the words can make much more sense instead of being so detached from reality. It's not all this magical, mysterious, "and the Lord said unto thee..." mumbo jumbo. The truth is much more profound and all encompassing. If there was a Supreme Being that was some kind of directional force behind all that is, and he was like a man, he wouldn't be able to create a peanut butter sandwich let alone a universe. To simply look up in the sky and see how much is there and think that some God created it all for man would be arrogance so far above that God, he would have completely lost sight of man. The "Original Sin" for example, is not really a sin as we think of sins. It was the unavoidable condition of man as a creature that had evolved to the point of having a self aware cognition. This would have been long before man had the ability to communicate. Once man became aware, he needed to understand and quantify his world. It would have been a long time before the words were ever written or even the sentiments expressed like, "Do not try to name that which cannot be named". And we think that means naming God “God” or “Allah,” or “Buddha,” etc. It relates to the garden of Eden tale and Adam and Eve. The name of the tree the forbidden fruit grows on is the Tree of Knowledge. The sin of needing to name everything and understand everything in order not to fear it, is simply an infinite, never ending process, that has created our own hell and cast us out of Eden, or separated us from nature and every other thing in existence that simply lives in this perfect harmony with nature.

Bizarre eh? Can you imagine having this kind of knowledge and understanding just dropped on you? Not fun, at all!! I really didn't want this. I'm just a simple man who barely got his grade 12. Oh, guess what? I'm a carpenter and cabinetmaker. Oh, the irony!! I mean I can't have this information and not share it. And at the same time, I don't see this as being readily accepted by everyone. And yet it has a great potential, if accepted, to do something quite wonderful. The world is so full of pain and fear and there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's like the whole planet is full of children who are afraid of the dark. I can relate. I was terrified of the dark as a child.

The truth is, however, there is no such thing as evil, there is no such thing as sin, there is no such thing as hell, except for the hell we create ourselves in our fearful, ignorant minds. Don't be offended by the word ignorant. Look it up! It simply means lacking an understanding. I mean relatively speaking we humans lack an enormous amount of understanding about our planet, let alone the universe. Ever since that drowning

Experience at four, I've looked at the world in somewhat of a different way than most people. I've never sought to become more intelligent, I've sought to become less ignorant. It's a subtle difference that seems to have a significant effect. It's a great deal easier to lose or let go of something you already possess (ignorance), than it is to acquire something you do not (intelligence). I've always known that I can and do learn from everyone I meet, not just those who believe they are the ones who have something to teach me.

Finally, there is no such thing as the dark. It's a physical impossibility. Yes, it does look dark out at night, but look at the moon. You see it because it is illuminated and in turn reveals the presence of the light. There is only light, nothing more. Even you are simply light in your unique form. Only each individual can create darkness in their own mind, with a fear, born of ignorance that effectively turns one away from that light, and creates the shadow or darkness the mind believes is there. Turn back towards the light and let yourself be revealed and become enlightened. There is a God-like beauty waiting to be illuminated. And there is a light waiting to bear witness to that beauty.

Too many very well educated people I have been speaking to, since having this latest experience, have been telling me the oddest things, like I'm the most Christ like person they've ever met, quite possibly the most intelligent person they've ever met, that I might be one of the great philosophers, or that I should take philosophy, because people would love to hear what I have to say. The only problem with taking philosophy is that it's probably one of my most fundamental philosophies, which I shouldn't have to pay to have my own thoughts, or to share them with others. So while others pay some university ten's of thousands of dollars to give them the ability to think with some form of legitimacy.......uh......I'll be across the street at the coffee shop if they'd like to talk. Please understand, the things I've just said, could very easily make me sound quite egotistical, but it's not me that say's these things. It's other people. I would not use words like that to describe myself. I prefer 'simple' and 'ignorant, they're way more accurate.

Life was never meant to be this much of a struggle. It's become a lot like trying to swim upstream, against a really strong current. It's exhausting. Every stroke requires an enormous amount of energy and after just about killing yourself trying to make some forward progress; you look at the shore and realize you haven't really gone anywhere at all. At best, you've managed to stay in the same spot, or more likely, you've actually lost ground. And yes, it is terrifying to let go and let the current sweep you away. It's so powerful you're sure it will destroy you.

Besides, everyone knows they have to move forward in life, right? Not really! If you look at every pursuit man engages in, as a pursuit of the truth: Science, mathematics, medicine, physics, music, art, and whatever. We are all seeking some truth. Take music for example, two musical notes played together will be one of two things, harmonic (true), or discordant (false). The truth is revealed in the beauty and conversely, the beauty is what reveals the truth. There is only that which is true, much like mathematics, which surely is one of the purest languages, in that all of the other pursuits can be reduced to math. And math, no matter how complicated the equation may be, is

actually only that - the equation. The equals sign (=), that is what math fundamentally is, the truth. Something is true (equal), or false (not equal). The truth is simply that which is. Man never made any truths or actually invented anything for that matter. He merely uncovered that which was always there. We always have to go backwards to find the truth. Let go! Don't be afraid! Let the current carry you back to your truth.

I really hope these words can be of some use to someone. I would love to hear from you so please feel free to email me at,

James T. (jamestone17@netscape.net) June 17, 2004