There are only two things in life that I have to do; breathe and quit breathing, everything else is optional. - (Loretta Moore)

(WHETHER I ADMIT IT OR NOT, THAT IS THE TRUTH. I CHOOSE THE REST.) TOME:)

1. You’ll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again
2. The taste of your tongue is all I've ever needed
3. I've got a shiny new Blockbuster card waiting just for you
4. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm
5. I'll let you push me on the swings
6. I always put the cap back on the toothpaste
7. I'll stash little notes for you where you'll least expect them
8. We’ll make history together
9. Because no other pirate's tongue can "shiver me timber" quite like yours
10. Sleeping alone just sucks.... period!
11. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy
12. There isn't anything I feel I can't tell you
13. I wish I could give you all of my firsts
14. All I can offer you is all of my lasts
15. You’re safe with me
16. I'll wait for you even if you're late
17. I'll lick the envelope for you
18. You've seen the monsters under my bed, and you're still here
19. I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking
20. I know CPR
21.I won't make you wear lame sweaters when we go to family Christmas parties
22. You fucking turn me on!
23. You love my dorkiness
24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up
25. You’re magically delicious
26. I suck at strip poker
27. I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving
28. Around you dry panties are a thing of the past
29. I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone
30. If you wash the car with me I promise to wear a white T-shirt for you
31. I’ll make you Mickey Mouse pancakes
32. I won’t bite unless you want me to
33. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we are doing it together
34. I’ll circle your birthday on my calendar
35. I'll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv
36. I'll carve your initials in a tree
37. I won’t swear around your family
38. I’ve never been Punk’d
39. If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair
40. I come with an extended warranty
41. I’ll grant you three wishes
42. I’ll buy you a lap dance
43. I didn't vote for either George Bush
44. I don't tear the tags off my mattresses til I get home
45. I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores
46. I'm likely to have a different hair color every time you see me
47. I'm slippery when wet
48. I only use the rail when I walk down the stairs 30% of the time ( I love to walk the line ya know)
49. I've never read Playboy for the articles
50. I'll make you laugh
51. I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies
52. I'll never under cook the eggs
53. I'll never drink your last beer
54. I can make a mean pot of chili
55. I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that chick with the big boobs
56. I'll always be impressed with how strong you are
57. I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops
58. I don't recycle
59. I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop
60. I won't steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet
61. I'll take care of you when you're sick
62. I'll make fun of you
63. I can give a kick ass back rub
64. I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson
65. I like porn
66. I can't stand soap operas
67. I don't care if you leave the seat up
68. I pump my own gas
69. I don't give a shit if I break a nail
70. I've got cookies
71. I don't chew tobacco
72. I take a shower every day
73. I like it when you pull my hair
74. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down)
75. I don't care that you go out with the boys
76. I don't eat crackers in bed
77. I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard
78. I can't stand the mall
79. I don't care what music we listen to in the car
80. I've never eaten a bon-bon in my life
81. When you wash the dishes it turns me on
82. I have a big butt and I am proud of it
83. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
84. I'll save everything you ever give me
85. I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming
86. You just can't stop reading this!
87. I always use my nails to scratch a lottery ticket
88. I know where to put in the oil, and have even done it
89. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
90. I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date
91. What the hell is "in the box"?
92. I always open a window when I paint
93. I've never been on Americas Most Wanted
94. The only drama I have any part of is on t.v.
95. I know how to make a fire
96. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue
97. I've got secret tattoos
98. My kisses will take your breath away
99. I don't care if you leave your socks on
100. I can't stand John Mayer
101. I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone
102. My weird habits you'll find adorable
103. You'll sleep better when I'm next to you
104. I'd fuck Angelina Jolie too
105. I'll thank you every time you open the door
106. I'll never waste your love
107. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny)
108. I'd never give you shit in front of your friends
109. It gets better every time
110. Use as much salt as you want I don't care
111. I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch
112. I'll help you find your keys
113. I don't stop and ask for directions either
114. I don't have a big brother, so you don't have to worry about getting your ass kicked ever
115. We can watch your movie first
116. I don't need batteries
117. I once ate a cricket
118. I eat red meat
119. I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes
120. I'll always have smooth legs
121. I like it when my hair gets messed up
122. I used to be able to put my feet behind my neck
123. My family is just as fucked up as yours
124. I don't want to get married any time soon
125. I like horror movies
126. I smell pretty good (Kind of citrusy and pina-coladaee)
127. I don't litter
128. When I can I give to charity
129. I can be ready in 10 minutes or less
130. I lose at arm wrestling every time
131. I look both ways before I cross the street
132. I never look directly into the sun
133. I'll look cute in your shirt
134. I'm not a virgin
135. You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know
136. I won't ever leave makeup on your shoulder
137. I've never hung a pair of panty hose on the shower rack in my life
138. I like it when you call me a whore in bed
139. I can balance a check book
140. I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday
141. I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre
142. I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies
143. I was the second grade spelling bee champ
144. I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is
145. I know how to hold my own hair back when I get sick
146. I've never cried over spilt milk
147. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
148. I can count to 100 by 5's
149. I've never smuggled drugs out of the country
150. I don't care if you eat dinner without a shirt
151. I think it's hot when you masturbate
152. I never overload the washer
153. What else have you got to do?
154. I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes
155. I've never auditioned for American Idol
156. I don't eat yellow snow
157. I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed
158. My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life
159. My chin fits 'just right' in your shoulder when you hold me close
160. I'll understand if you get jealous
161. I'm just that good
162. I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton
163. You're getting very sleepy...
164. I've never been on Jerry Springer
165. I may have already won $10,000,000.
166. You won't be able to get me out of your head
167. I know that sticks are better than automatics
168. I'll let you drive every time if you want
169. I buy a new toothbrush every time the blue wears down
170. I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear
171. Flowers will get you laid every time
172. I've never gotten caught lip synching on SNL
173. I have a $3.24 credit at PayLess Shoes
174. I never leave the engine running while I'm pumping gas
175. I never run with scissors
176. I've taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won
177. Almost every time I have a winning bottle top
178. I know how to keep a secret
179. If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute
180. I've never failed a survey
181. I can almost every time find Waldo
182. I never put my fingers in the light socket
183. I'm a Cancer
184. I have all my shots
185. It's okay, I don't really expect you to last longer than 10 minutes anyways
186. I'm pretty damn funny
187. I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on t.v. either
188. I don't care if you eat off my plate
189. None of my friends are guys I used to have sex with
190. When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet
191. I have never run out of gas (well I just fucked myself there now, didn't I?)
192. I know the difference between they're, their, and there
193. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch
194. I know how to get stains out of tshirts
195. I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time
196. I'm really good at making lists
197. After reading this far you've already got too much time invested all ready - might as well e-mail me.

Copyright © 2007 craigslist, inc.

One of the worst experiences in law school has been the ritual of submitting applications for summer employment and then going through a series of 20-minute screening interviews that would put a marine drill sergeant to shame when it comes to humiliating and dehumanizing you. Here are my top-ten (least) favorite questions, and how I actually answered them as opposed to how I would have liked to answer them.

1. Why are you interested in this firm?

What I said: Your firm handled (insert name of case I read on their website) which I found to be exciting because it was just like another case I was reading in this class I got an A in. I've also asked some (read: none) upper class-men about your office and they said it's a great work environment.

What I thought: I looked through your attorney roster and saw that you hire people who do not appear to have any honors and come from bad law schools. That made me think that I have a chance to work here.

2. Why did you go to law school?

What I said: I went to law school because I want to be able to make a difference. Legal work allows me to be competitive and to work for justice, both of which are important things in my life.

What I thought: That's a good question, and I ask myself it daily. I'd have to say the answer is, stupidity.

3. Do you think your grades are an accurate reflection of the kind of work you will do as an attorney?

What I said: Law school has been a challenge, and I think my grades reflect that. More important than my grades, which by the way have steadily improved over my academic career, is my dedication to the work I do. My performance during my summer jobs is the best indicator of how I will work, and you will find that my previous employers were all pleased with me (or at least forgot who I am and so will not remember the fuck ups).

What I thought: My grades are absolutely a good reflection of how I will work. I will put in the minimum amount of effort needed to not get fired, and I will approach my job with contempt and disinterest.

4. What would you say is your greatest weakness?

What I said: My greatest weakness is that I get too personally involved with my work. For instance, when I am working on trial prep, and then the case settles favorably, I feel as though it should have gone to trial anyway, despite knowing that the settlement is what's best for our firm and our client.

What I thought: Pussy. If there are any females in your office, you can be certain I will work twice as hard to get into their pants as I will to make my billables. And yes, since you require us to bill 1,900 hours, that means I will be sexually harassing my co-workers 3,800 hours a year.

5. Tell us about a recent mistake that you have made.

What I said: I accidentally misfiled a case at work that was set to go to trial the next week. As soon as I realized this, I alerted my supervisor and disaster was averted.

What I thought: An even bigger mistake I've made has been wasting 20 minutes of my life in this interview instead of taking a dump, that would have been much more satisfying and productive.

6. What do you do for fun?

What I said: I enjoy jogging, skydiving, and traveling to exotic countries.

What I thought: When I really want to have fun, I grab my "Big Butt Sluts # 24" DVD, a bottle of Bourbon, and a bottle of lube. By the end of the night, both bottles are empty, and my room smells like jizz and puke.

7. Tell us about your style of leadership.

What I said: I lead by taking the initiative and working proactively with my peers to come up with solutions.

What I thought: I lead by playing "The Eye of the Tiger" on a boombox while pounding my fist on the table and shouting insults. (It works, I've done it)

8. If you don't get hired by this firm, what will you do?

What I said: I will analyze what I could have done better during the interview and take that knowledge with me into my next interview with [rival firm name].

What I thought: I will breath a sigh of relief that I won't be working for an asshole like you. Or I will stalk you and slit your throat. I haven't decided yet.

9. Do you have any questions for us?

What I said: Will I have a key so that I can come in and work on the weekends?

What I thought: Will I have a key so that I can come in and have sex with my girl friend on my desk on the weekends?

10. We value creativity among our associates. With that in mind, what kind of plant would you be, and why?

What I said: I would be a tree, because they are tall, strong, and live a long life.

What I thought: I would be a tree, so that I could fall on you and kill you

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 273595054

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READ THIS ALL THE WAY TO THE END AND SEND IT TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN... THE INFORMATION WILL AWAKEN MORE AMERICANS AND SHOW POLITICIANS THE TRUE POWER OF THE INTERNET.


Please send this on to as many people as you can..
You've got to read this all the way through to the bottom.

I HEREWITH FIRMLY STATE THAT I WILL NOT VOTE FOR ANY POLITICIAN, REGARDLESS OF THE OTHER ISSUES, IF HE DOES NOT SPONSOR AND SUPPORT THE FOLLOWING LEGISLATION. THAT INCLUDES EVERYONE STANDING FOR ELECTION IN 2008.

LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON "PEOPLE POWER" AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE WITH ME ON THIS BY FORWARDING TO EVERYONE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK.


IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!

GET A BILL STARTED TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOCIAL SECURITY.

This must be an issue in "2008" Please! Keep it going.

----------------------------------

SOCIAL SECURITY:

(This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.

Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.

In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this:

When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.

Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments..

For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275, 000.00 during the last years of their lives.

This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries.

Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.

Their cost for this excellent plan is $0..00. NADA..! ZILCH...

This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan . The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;

" OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK "!

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer). We can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.

Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.

That change would be to:

Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us
Then sit back.....
And see how fast they would fix it.
If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve.

How many people CAN you send this to?
Better yet......
How many people WILL you send this to ?
This eMail has been scanned by INWI.net using the latest anti-virus definitions.

Experiencing the greatest profits on record of almost any world businesses ever, Exxon and Mobile Oil recently offered a large group of scientists $10,000 each and travel expenses if they would write a scientific paper challenging the UN's report on Global Warming. The report could hamper them in their corporate function: accumulating even greater wealth.

Some of these scientists refused the money and travel funds and made this offer from Exxon and Mobile Oil public. While God alone should be in the judging business, I believe that each of us is responsible for communicating our displeasure with this corporate attempt to subvert the latest scientific evidence on the subject of global warming.

In my experience only one boycott in the history of the United States has been truly and dramatically effective. That was the Caesar Chavez-led boycott of lettuce and the boycott of grapes. That boycott was about the horrible treatment of the workers who picked the lettuce and grapes and It worked. It worked because enough of us identified with the abuse of this group of workers (not all Mexican laborers, by the way).

Let us have a truly effective boycott of Mobile Oil and Exxon and all their products. Let us also let their dealers know what we are doing.

Global warming is a reality that we can probably never understand fully because there are so many unknowns that the scientists themselves acknowledge. Never the less, whether or not we understand all the complexities of global warming, it appears to be a reality. If we start now, we can prepare for the damage that it is predicted to reek upon the world and rather than representing a tsunami to mankind, it will come as just a large wave.

We can begin to build cities upon the sea, imagine that, to replace all the coastal populations that will be homeless as the sea level rises.

We can begin to establish fish farms on a huge level to replace the fish that will, as a result of toxins in our seas (Thank you Exxon and Mobile Oil!) because we will, they say, have no more fish after another few decades. There are a thousand things we can do with all our knowledge and spirit to prepare for the potentially disasterous consequences of global warming and corporate corruption. Rather than putting our billions of dollars into killing (rewarding corporations, again), we can do positive things that will enrich us as a nation and as individuals.

This is a test for mankind. Perhaps a test that we need as humans. We can pass this test and come out better for having risen to its challenges. Or, we can let the corporations continue in their reckless behaviors and bury us. Each of us must do ONE THING, just one thing to make things come out right.

LET US BOYCOTT EXXON AND MOBILE OIL AS A WAY OF COMMUNICATING OUR DISAPPOINTMENT WITH THEIR ATTEMPTS TO SUBVERT THE TRUTH AND BURY MANKIND IN THE PROCESS, ALL FOR DOLLARS! Tome